Living a life with CP is a life filled with daily physical challenges. We can often be left feeling as if we are different from others. The treatment we may receive from people can leave us feeling marginalised, and may be even worthless. The challenges we face as a person living with a physical disability can quickly turn to a battle in our minds. We may struggle to come to terms with our disability, or even be left predisposed to complex mental illness.

I've struggled with my mental health since the age of 11. I rejected any attempts that were made to help me. It was at this time I realised that I was different to my peers. It left me feeling as if I wasn't good enough as a person. It made me anxious to prove my worth in society. I somehow felt indebted to people, and that I needed to 'pay' my debt by studying hard, going to university, and getting a job just like everyone else.  My life didn't turn out the way I had planned. Instead of building a resume of employment, I gained a resume of illnesses. I tried my best to hold down a job, but my attempts to suppress my mental decline resulted in a breakdown. At the age of 26 I saw a psychiatrist. 

As the years went on, I became enmeshed in the mental health world.  A world that was very different to the rest of the healthcare system.  With every passing year I seemed to be diagnosed with a new mental illness, as I bounced in and out of hospitals, group therapy, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Each time I tried to seek emergency care, I was left feeling like a criminal, and more worthless than when I walked into the hospital. I saw that the treatment I received as a mentally ill patient was vastly different from the care I received as a person with cerebral palsy. My times in psychiatric hospitals were met with confusion, as I explained to the nursing staff how I am unable to open packaged food or cannot use a knife and fork to chop up my own food. I even came across nurses who simply didn’t know what cerebral palsy was, and questioned why my walking was unbalanced.

I have found myself telling my story countless times to health professionals, as I have tried to build a team that treats me holistically. Through perseverance, I've surrounded myself with a medical team determined to give me a quality of life. The hope I once lost through mental illness, has returned as I have learned to embrace the person I was made to be, not the person I felt I should be. 

Briar lives in New South Wales, is a member of the My CP Guide, Consumer Advisory Group and lives in her own apartment.