Marco, an adult with cerebral palsy, reflects on his early experiences overcoming challenges and finding community

I’m Marco (pronouns he/him), a gay, half-Cornish-half-Galician with cerebral palsy living in Sydney. I grew up in a small town in Southwest England called Falmouth. I attended a mainstream school but never really felt different from my school friends. Sure, I wore AFOs, had to attend various medical appointments, and had an assistant who carried my school bag (such a diva move!), but I had an amazing group of friends who always supported me.

Of course, I was always picked last for teams during PE class (when I didn’t try to get out of it). I remember rugby and cross country were my most hated—it was always raining, cold and muddy even in the summer (Welcome to England).

Another issue for me was that all my friends were female and my school was pretty traditional so it was boys on the rugby pitch and girls in the netball court.

I remember being 11-12 years old when some other boys started shouting the words ‘gay’ and ‘spastic’ at me in the street. I didn’t have a clue what either of these things meant but that was when I started to feel different.

It wasn’t until I was about 16 years old that I realised they were right—I am gay. Being gay and disabled has its challenges and I felt that the gay community can be very judgey and unwelcoming to people that don’t fit the stereotypical mold.

One of my friends set me up on a date with her gay friend. I thought my first date was amazing. I felt elated and ready to fall in love, but unfortunately, he never contacted me again. I later found out he had been using the word "spastic" to describe me. That hurt deeply and made me feel undesirable and broken. Again, not the best initiation into the gay community.

Fed up of living in such a small town at 17 I decided to move to Spain. I saved up all my wages from the video rental store I worked in (VHS still existed—I feel old) and caught a flight to Marbella.

Arriving in Marbella in March was amazing. It was about 20 degrees and the sun shone everyday. I moved into a share house and shared a room with a young French guy called Cedric. One evening we went for a walk around the city to explore and we saw a bar and went in for a drink. As soon as we walked in and I saw the muscly Costa Rican bartender and the pink wallpaper I knew this was my kind of place. Cedric was straight so he never went back but I went back night after night. It was the best random discovery, of all the bars in Marbella my first drink was in its only gay bar.

The night life was good but I was quickly running out of money. I managed to get a job in a café/ bar but after a month or two I was let go as I was too slow at making the coffee and couldn’t carry trays with drinks on. This again made me feel broken.

After a short stint in Madrid, I moved back from Spain and then headed to Manchester to university. Manchester is such a great city. It even has its own gay street called Canal Street.

My disability never really appeared to hold me back but what people didn’t see was the shame and internalised ableism buried deep beneath the surface. I had anxiety and felt continuously judged, every time I left the house. I used alcohol as a way to overcome my anxiety.

Nowadays, I handle my anxiety in a much healthier way and have been in a loving relationship with my partner David for 15 years.

We relocated to Australia together and are planning to get married later this year. I feel much more confident and accepting of my disability now and no longer feel the need to hide it. It's a part of me and has shaped who I am as a person and I wouldn't change that.

For more information about sexuality and gender, My CP Guide has curated resources on a variety of topics for all ages: Sexual and reproductive health